Life's summer days

In this crazy paper chasing world, out of 10 things you do, 7 aren’t of your own accord. 1 is probably what you do to satisfy your current displeasure, another 1 point is probably your comfort zone to relax and the last 1 is what really makes you happy and smile. The thing about humans or maybe, singaporeans in particular, we are led by the nose of achieving a perfect life, taught to study well and hard, get a good job, earn the whole chunk of cash and slog your life out. Probably happiness comes in when you see yourself sinking in the gold you’ve earned yet laughing at your own stupidity that you’ve no avenue to spend it on and the next step would probably be giving yourself the most lavish funeral ever.

Sometimes I get so sick of living this life, I feel a strong wanting to run away and never come back. All urge to probably end my life as a person or end my life in this society and start anew somewhere rural, running amidst the greens and riding the horses and playing amongst the sheep. That’s my kind of life. I wonder how long can I take all these in, I feel like a puppet of everyone, bounded to be this model everyone shapes out of me. If only I lived for myself but no, I live for so many people, for you, for her, for him, for so many people…

Tonight, i just want to be alone, in my bed, curling up, and not talking to the world and I want to be in this solace for the next few weeks, where I can fully drown my sorrows in my books and milk.

The problem with using my heart to think always create a jar-full of mess and tear which in turn, cause me in fucking never ending pain and pull.